2021 was a rough year for my husband and I.
It all started in 2018 when my husband & I first got married. Brendon and I made the decision to get my IUD (intrauterine device) removed prior to our wedding day so that we could start our family. Little did we know, the coming years following would be a whirlwind for us trying to conceive. Over the last couple years, things have happened to us I never expected to happen to us, and our fertility journey was taken down different paths unplanned and soon brought to a halt.
Eventually, I will talk about the years before 2021, but for now... I want to share with you my purpose that I feel God is leading me. As I embark on this new journey, there will be a lot of emotions and vulnerability coming to the surface and some things I have not shared with many people. Some of us mamas need to know what others are going through just to make it through to the next day and learning to deal with grief is one of them.
In 2021, we decided to start back on trying to start our family. We met with a new reproductive endocrinologist in March who we now just absolutely adore and are so thankful for. The very first time Brendon and I met with him, our hearts felt so at ease and we knew we had made the right decision in switching our doctors. At our consultation appointment, our new doctor took his time to learn all about US, and he was not just there to collect our money. Our doctor listened to us and knew we were not there for any games, and he immediately told us we were not going to be wasting any time to get our end result -- a baby.
Among the three of us, we came up with a game plan. We immediately started treatments with our new doctor in March. Our first cycle consisted of oral medications for myself, a shot, and a procedure called IUI (intrauterine insemination). Unfortunately, our first cycle was unsuccessful. The following month, we started our second cycle which also consisted of my oral medications, additional shots, and another IUI. By the grace of God, we found out on June 5th we were pregnant and we were going to be parents.
By July 9th, all of our excitement and joy we had of knowing we were becoming parents, completely left us in a matter of seconds. It was such an emotional rollercoaster where there are days, I still do not know if I can fully even explain the emotions we went through. The grief started almost immediately and questioning if I did everything right. Did I do everything I was suppose to in order to carry our child? Did I eat something I wasn't suppose to? Did I work too much? Did I feel something I wasn't suppose to feel? All of the questions began to crowd my head, and the feeling of letting my husband down. From that moment on, I began to mourn a life I had dreamed about and had expected.
I began to find my purpose during the journey of grieving our baby.
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